Grief is a deeply personal experience that can take many forms. It’s not just about mourning the loss of someone close, but also about coping with the changes that come with it. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, a pet, or something else important to you, grief can affect how we feel and view the world around us.

The first feeling many experience is the primary loss—the loss of the person, pet, or thing that is gone. This loss is often the most noticeable and the one that causes the most immediate pain. However, grief doesn’t end after this initial sadness. There are secondary losses that can arise as part of the grieving process, adding complexity and new challenges to the experience.

Types of Secondary Losses

Secondary losses are the changes that occur alongside or as a result of the primary loss. These can be overwhelming because they may not be immediately obvious but can still impact a person’s emotional well-being. Some examples include:

• Emotional Changes: Feeling more isolated or disconnected from others. You might notice that your relationships with friends or family members change or that you feel misunderstood.
• Routine Changes: The daily routine you once had may be disrupted. The absence of someone or something can change your usual schedule, like eating meals alone or missing regular activities.
• Life Changes: Sometimes, grief leads to changes in where you live, what your responsibilities are, or even how you approach life. These changes can add additional stress during an already challenging time.
• Self-Identity: When you lose someone important, you might also feel like you’ve lost part of who you are. This could mean adjusting how you see yourself—such as becoming a single parent or changing roles within a family or community.

Coping with Grief

Acknowledging the secondary losses that come with grief can help you process the experience. It’s important to remember that grief doesn’t follow a set path, and it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. There are several ways to support yourself and your child through this journey:

• Find Connection: Seek out others who have experienced similar losses. Having someone to share your feelings with can help lessen the isolation that grief often brings.
• Talk and Listen: It’s important to talk about your grief and encourage your child to do the same. Open, honest conversations help us understand our emotions and validate our experiences.
• Allow Support: Grief can feel overwhelming, but it’s okay to accept help from friends, family, or a support group. Let others comfort and assist you during this time.
• Be Gentle with Yourself: Grieving takes time, and it’s important to be patient and kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, joy, confusion, or even relief. Healing doesn’t look the same for everyone, and that’s okay.

Remember, Some Things Stay the Same

Though it might seem like everything is changing, it’s helpful to remember that some things remain constant. With your child, make a list of things that have stayed the same—family traditions, favorite activities, or routines that provide comfort. Identifying these constants can offer a sense of stability and peace during difficult times.

Grief is a journey, and while it can be difficult, it’s also an opportunity to grow, connect, and heal. By acknowledging all aspects of grief—both the losses and the resilience that comes with it—you and your child can move forward together.